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Benefits of Healthy Marriages For Children and Youth (Marriage Statistics)

Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

• More likely to attend college
• Physically healthier
• Emotionally healthier
• Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
• Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors
• Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
• Be open and honest with the couples you help
• Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers
• Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married
• Less likely to be raised in poverty

Benefits of a Healthy Marriage for Women

Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

• More satisfying relationship
• Emotionally healthier
• Wealthier
• Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes
• Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
• Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
• Less likely to remain or end up in poverty
• Have better relationships with their children
• Physically healthier

Benefits of a Healthy Marriage for Men

Researchers have found many benefits for men who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

• Live longer
• Physically healthier
• Wealthier
• Increase in the stability of employment
• Higher wages
• Emotionally healthier
• Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
• Have better relationships with their children
• More satisfying sexual relationship
• Less likely to commit violent crimes

Benefits of Healthy Marriages for Communities

Researchers have found many benefits for communities when they have a higher percentage of couples in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

• Higher rates of physically healthy citizens
• Higher rates of emotionally healthy citizens
• Higher rates of educated citizens
• Lower domestic violence rates
• Lower crime statistics
• Lower teen age pregnancy rates
• Lower rates of juvenile delinquency
• Higher rates of home ownership
• Lower rates of migration
• Higher property values
• Decreased need for social services

Source:http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/benefits/index.html

Successful Relationships Don’t Happen By Accident

By Steffon D.Josey

Successful relationships don’t happen by accident. Decades of experience and research has shown that in modern society, healthy, lasting relationships are most commonly built through emotional literacy, also known as “EQ”. Unlike IQ, EQ can be learned. For over three decades, the non-profit PAIRS Foundation has been developing and teaching classes that empower men and women of all ages, backgrounds, and stages of relationship with knowledge and practical, usable skills.

 

PAIRS builds strength in individuals and couples to create and sustain healthy relationships that are an ongoing source of love, pleasure, happiness and fulfillment. Key components of the PAIRS program and curricula build on the theme of improving and enhancing communication within a relationship.

 

Good communication does not happen in a vacuum. The premise of that communication must be the desire to exist in a relationship which is a mutual source of love, happiness and pleasure to each partner. This means that there is a daily choice on the part of each partner to work towards the best interest of the relationship. This concept is defined as the Relationship Road Map. A map of course, gives us a manual for direction. The question we must ask first is, what do we desire as the outcome for our relationship? If we desire love, happiness and pleasure, then the actions we take on this relationship journey will be reflective of this desire. If on the other hand we desire to be a source of hate, unhappiness and pain, then our daily actions will have a different perspective.

 

Each of our daily actions places us on the path of pain or the path of pleasure. Once we have decided which path we wish to pursue, then we may have a conversation about communication. Good communication is the desire of those who seek to become sources of pleasure and happiness in their relationships.

 

There are several keys points about good communication. GOOD COMMUNICATION begins with being present without distractions, clear about your intentions, listening to understand, and speaking with empathy, authenticity, and so the intended message is received clearly.

BEING PRESENT WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS. Have you ever recalled a time you wished to speak to your mate or you had a request that was very urgent to you, but somehow your mate was too busy, watching TV, reading an article, or simply doing a house chore? You felt ignored, because your spouse did not drop what they were doing at the moment and tuned in to you. The response to your mate, verbal or internalized, may have been; the next time you desire to speak with me, I will tune you out also. A better way to have handled the burning desire for effective communication of your issue or concern would have been to request time to share the information. The request would have gone something like this- is this a good time to talk to you about the notice I received from school today? The response could be one of the following: no it is not, give me some time to finish what I am doing, or, can we talk about this in the morning?

In order for communication to be effective, we both have to be available to each other for meaningful interaction. Getting an issue off my chest does not mean that I have effectively engaged my partner. My relationship has the potential for a more positive outcome if my partner is in the frame of mind to hear me out and to listen with empathy.

LISTENING WITH EMPATHY should not be confused with sympathetic listening. Sympathetic listening says, I am sorry that you had a bad day at the office. Empathetic listening says that we actually put ourselves in the place of the speaker; we can imagine what it feels like to be in that persons shoes. So if I had a bad day at the office, what would I need from my mate? Armed with this knowledge of what I would need, I can now make sure my mate is heard and understood.

LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND means that I am simply not waiting for the speaker to stop talking so I can jump in with my rebuttal. It means rather that I am concentrating on every word the speaker says, to make certain I am hearing correctly. I do not interrupt while my mate is speaking and I seek clarification on points raised that I do not completely understand. I am never closed to issues my mate wishes to discuss and my body language is never distractive.

In order for our communication to be effective the speaker must also be very CLEAR ABOUT THEIR INTENTIONS. Be very honest but tactful, be direct and be specific. Beating around the bush, or dropping hints is not a very effective way to communicate. So, instead of suggesting, has anyone else around here noticed that the baby is crying? Why not simply ask, would you please attend to the baby’s needs?

We should aspire also to SPEAK WITH AUTHENTICITY. This simply means, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t talk about an issue in flowery terms to avoid being misunderstood. Further, talk in short phrases which your listener can repeat back to you. Most importantly, stay on one topic and do not go all around in circles, adding issue and topics which are not related. We can help by repeating back to the speaker, what I hear you saying is…?

TAKE A TIME OUT by agreement if you begin to feel overwhelmed or the conversation begins to become non-productive. Agree to a mutual time to pick up the conversation. Demonstrate goodwill and trust for your mate by coming back at the agreed upon time. Take the intervening time to do some positive stress relieving activity. Go outside and play basketball, mow the lawn, or do some gardening. Spend some time with the kids or listen to some relaxing music. Do not use parting words or gestures, do not use any chemical stimulants and do not go and call your best friend or in-laws for a strategic session on how to proceed with the conversation.

 

This is the first installment in a series of articles on “Building Successful Relationships”

Contact Steffon Josey- josey@pairs.com